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Joke Patient Log
Some of the translators like to create humorous entries for the ones that are too badly damaged for them to read. This page is dedicated to these little jokes. Joke Entries ---- Patient #69 Operation: Patient wanted to become a succubus. Penis will be attached to the ear, and left pinky toe removed. Out-come: Complete success. Patient resides in my "alone time room" for future role plays and dates. Update: I managed to summon the Patient using Satanist runes and unholy magic, proving that the succubus is legit guys. ---- Patient #π Operation: Patient wishes to have an internal music player installed into her cranium for maximum ease of use and complete leisurely control. We planned on disassembling P#π's personal music player and making a deep and precise incision to have the tech specialists wire the hardware the center of her brain's cerebral cortex to ensure a balance of volume pickup frequency. After attaching the hardware properly, we will attempt to affix several of the new and experimental neural implants we received from our friends in Germany in order for her to control the hardware with mere thought. Another incision is also planned to be made to line a plug-in slot in the back of her neck in case the music player is in need of recharge. Outcome: I hate when He takes the day off and leaves me in charge. P#π's first attempt to use the hardware appeared promising in the beginning moments. Music was heard loudly emitting from her head when we asked her to think of her favorite song, in hopes that the neural implants would pick up the signals and play the selected song. The implants impressed us, as they did as expected, but immediately following the first twenty-two seconds of the song, thick streams of blood began to pour from every hole of P#π's head, including her eyes. Seconds later, she was dead. Upon further investigation into her mysterious demise, the tech specialists discovered that P#π contained a hidden microchip near the middle of the parietal lobe and frontal lobe of her brain that had shorted out. The tech-heads said something about electromagnetically produced waves conflicting and causing the chip to bust and melt, as well as the bottom half of her brain. This is oddly perplexing, considering we can't find a reason why the chip was in her head. Not even tech-heads have a clue. Presumably she or her parents implanted it there? Notes: I now have one more reason to hate Justin Bieber's music. ---- Patient #1337: Operation:Patient wants rockets inserted into their feet in order to fly lightly. Will make a small socket inside of their heels to place the thrusters, and remove some flesh and muscle from the inside of their calves and upper theighs in order to fit the stableizers and fuel tanks. Will wire the system to his nerves in order to activate it by thought. As a precaution, will replace the skin on his feet with fireproof material. Out-come: Operation itself was completely sucessful. Patient was happy, and was able to completely control the jet packs. He ended up enjoying it so much that he ran out of feul. We didn't want to compromise the delicate nerve system by cutting into his legs, so we attempted to refull via the anus. During refulling, the tube slipped, and the patients intestines were filled with gas. He was put into intensive care in an attempt to drain the excess gas. Note: A nurse lit a cigarette too closely to the patient, witch caused him to explode. What a mess. ---- Patient #35 Operation: Patient wishes to have a long neck. Skin, muscle and bone will be taken from a donor and used to craft a neck twice as long than the typical human's. Out-come: P#35 seemed fine after the operation, save for a sore throat and a slight headache, until he attempted to stand up. His neck bent backwards until the point we could hear his neck break. He died instantly. Note: I could of sworn I heard him utter something just before his neck broke. It sounded like 'Nope'. ---------